“It’s not about the brand, it’s about the fit.”

In his book Acceptance: A Legendary Guidance Counselor Helps Seven Kids Find the Right Colleges – And Find Themselves (Penguin Books), Dave Marcus shares what he has learned from observing the guidance counselor Gwyeth Smith (affectionately known as Smitty), of Long Island High School.

“It’s not about the brand, it’s about the fit,” Smitty would tell parents.

Marcus writes about the pressure put on adolescents to succeed, and how Smitty’s approach to the college search helped parents find ways to help their kids slow down, take advantage of the present, and in effect, redefine the word “success” in a more personally relevant way.

Some of his advice is shared in an interview with TeenLife blog, and Acceptance is often cited by the NY Times college admissions blog The Choice. Reader response to “Slow Down and Savor Middle and High School” on The Choice included this comment from Debra Makar:

“Savor middle and high school? I was a gifted student (Mensa member) and counted the minutes until I could get out of those horrible places. My experiences were, for the most part, either excruciatingly boring or cruel. I wanted out and the sooner the better. If I hadn’t started college classes during my junior year, I would have been suicidal. High school is not the same for everybody, sometimes it’s your social world and sometimes it’s your nightmare. The worse thing someone said to me was to enjoy it all since it was the best years of my life. I now chalk it up as the worst years of my life.”

Unfortunately, Debra is far from alone in this experience. School can be unhappy and even excruciating for a great number of young people, especially during middle and high school, even for those who are fulfilling certain requirements for "success." This brings us once again to the importance of finding your passion and a place where you feel you really fit. Having adults—parents, tutors, mentors—who know you well and can help you find joy in learning and doing, and a welcoming place in the world, is especially crucial during this time. In the end, this is what helps students reach their true potential and paves the way for their greater achievements.

Relationships that help nurture your curiosities and talents are the best form of support and can affect the rest of your life for the better. Have a comment or experience to share? Please join the conversation and post your thoughts below!